Crunch time

My Way 

Writer(s): Gilles Thibaut, Claude Francois, Jacques Revaux, Paul Anka

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way
Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows
I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes, it was my way

I have looked at a lot of versions of this, starting with Frank Sinatra, who you'd think as the GOAT would have been the go to.. but I dunno, and this will be controversial, you could tell he didn't enjoy singing the song.  I watched/listened to him,  Elvis, Nina Simone, Shirley Bassey, Jessie J., Robbie Williams. I would have gone with the Miley clip, except it was for a show honouring Bill Murray, which is fine, but the lyrics were altered to be about him, so yeah.. nah.  But I found this one: A Mi Manera - Gipsy Kings which is a v. cool version in Spanish, drawing heavily on Latin music, particularly Spanish flamenco.  Latin music has been a focus for me since I saw the Selena movie years ago, but more recently when Ricky Martin released Qué Rico Fuera and I found La Llorona sung by Carmen Goett on a RWRB inspired playlist.  It lead to a deep dive that was further enhanced more recently by Bad Bunny's half time show, and discovering that Christina Aguilera has repertoire in Spanish as well.  

I am VERY aware that I am on the very white, superficial entrance to the music of Latin America - Puerto Rico artists are in the majority at the moment, but I have dabbled elsewhere.  The key is that they are singing in Spanish.  I suspect it is strange to many, but then, I figure it is no different, really, than when I listen to Don Giovanni or any orchestral pieces - you listen because it makes you feel.  The other thing I have found with the Latin music, it stops my brain buzzing.  I will get to that in the ADHD page, but I find it interesting that my playlists are either are all Latin American Spanish or 50-50 English - Spanish. 

 Anyway! to the point of this post.  I am now unemployed.  I had to resign due to being absent from work too much.  I resigned so I would be able to re-apply when I am ready to, but in hindsight, I recalled that I don't go backwards.  It feels weird to be in this situation - although it seems a bit more dire this time around.. I have spent the last couple of days applying for hardship while I wait for financial counselling.  The appointment is booked, but it is better that the people who are waiting for you to pay know that you are having a bit of strife.   Leaving this workplace has made me more sad than when I have left other jobs, because it hasn't been with any animosity.  My team leaders have been patient, compassionate and reassuring.  I will miss interacting with the colleagues/friends I have made here. Not that employment status doesn't change anything with those you talk to outside of workk but yeah - it has been a hard week.  It felt ok on the day, but has manifested in some increased pain, which was improving. 

I ended up in the 'My Way' deep dive above because I had the first line in my head, and couldn't recall where it lead.  Turns out it is heavily applicable to me, as I have pretty much done things my way.  It is quite possible as I reconstruct after the ADHD diagnosis, and I lose some of the shame and guilt I have carried for decades, I think (that came from not being able to work out why I just didn't seem to fit, and for spend my life trying to fit), that I will be back to being loud and proud.  Working as a nurse, while on paper was a perfect career for me, I was not built for the toxicity and pettiness that I was immersed in. 

That is all for now,  I will try to write some more over the weekend. 

Mxx