I was feeling a little punchy after work last night. I do not mean in the "angry young man" sense, but in the "strut your stuff, bring it on!" sense. The cause of this was multi factorial.. and has clearly given cause (after a few hours of sleep) to think.
First reason I was on a bit of a high was that with walking to work, and not having to be in charge and be on the floor, I managed 12700 steps in an 8 hour shift. I think, even on a night shift, I am going to start walking to work. I need to haul arse to the gym too. Getting back is always the worst.. might have to start actually training with the boys! :-P Still have that goal to run - still having the 40 kg heavier chick telling me I can't - her voice is getting smaller. And doing what I did today, even though it is a small battle, is a victory nonetheless. I guess I should prelude that with the fact that I woke at 4am, waited for the sun to come up, hit the yard to mow, gave the car a bit of a wash, and then went to an afternoon shift, which involved walking to and from work, bunches of stair climbs, etc.. I just have to remember that a year and a half ago, very little of that was doable - mentally, let alone physically. Hence.. the strut!
Second reason, I get a bit punchy when I have been awake too long.. it means that when I do stop, I hit the wall with a bang! Hence, the few hours of sleep ;-)
Third reason, my Buccs post illicited some lovely comments from guys on the team, which added to the sense of belonging I have since moving to Geelong - so my "bring it on" strut was aided by the fact that I was wearing my navy Buccs hoodie. I was very conscious of the fact that I have a new source of strength and confidence. A realisation that there is a loyalty that does, in fact, run quite deep - as Tinnaz has pointed out - "the blue runs deep with this one!" It is nice to have something that is a source of pride that is not actually about me ;-) Well.. I'll just have to say it (again. maybe?), I love these guys, I love the cameraderie, they make me laugh.. even if they think it is cute that I shit myself whenever they get hurt! (Keeping my eye on you, Nastee! :-P)
Fourth reason, apart from the Buccaneer lovefest that has developed *eyes rolling*, a spark of mutal adoration from a Scottish troublemaker has been sustained long enough to create a lovely little fire that keeps one warm :-) Even if it is long distance... for now.
And finally, by airing my thoughts here, instead of privately in a journal, has given me the strength (?or something) to not back down from them. This has given them substance, so, even if they are the rantings of a neurotic paranoid (:-P), they are indeed what I think about. Yesterday, my FOWOT took a back seat, because I knew what I think. I think that makes sense... :-P This stuff in regards to nurses has been swirling around in my head, and discussed with a precious few, for a while. Certainly, since having more to deal with being in more management type roles. Last night, on my way home, I thought fondly about my fortune to know two people who I consider friends and mentors. They have taught me about what it is to be a nurse. True, I have an underlying tendency to look after people and advocate for my patients, but it is easy to get carried away and become aggressive in "protecting" patients. There is a time and place for that mama bear aggression. Nobody is perfect, but I have learned from two of the best. I will forever remember the penny dropping (and the improvment in my practice and professionalism) when during an education session, one of these two people stated that it is our role, as nurses, to observe, interpret and report. If one wishes to be a diagnostician, one should have studied medicine. We can deduce, based on our experience, what we might be observing. Maybe it is a result of the familiarity of our patient demographic and inexperienced interns who rotate through ever 10 weeks or so, that leads to some of us overstepping our bounds. I'll admit that I have been there, espcially when one works in an area like transplant, and it is a night shift, with a night cover who has been a doctor for a week. See? even you are tempted to tell them what they need to do! :-P Experience tells me that there is a way to do this. And most certainly a way not to! But this topic, my friends, is another post waiting to write itself!
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